Famous Quotes & Sayings

Robert Benchley

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

Robert Benchley

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

Robert Benchley

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

Robert Benchley

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Rita Hayworth

I can't take his genius any more.

Rita Rudner

Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

Rita Rudner

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

Rita Rudner

Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."

Rita Rudner

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

Rita Rudner

Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

Rita Rudner

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

Rita Rudner

When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

Rita Rudner

No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

Rita Rudner

Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.

Rita Rudner

If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

Rita Rudner

Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.

Rita Rudner

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

Rita Rudner

Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.

Rita Rudner

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free Retin-A.

Rita Rudner

Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

Rita Rudner

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

Rita Rudner

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

Rita Rudner

Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

Rita Rudner

If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

Rita Rudner

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald".

Rita Rudner

All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

Rita Rudner

Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

Rita Rudner

Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.

Rita Rudner

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

Rita Rudner

I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.

Rita Rudner

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

Rita Rudner

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

Rita Rudner

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.