Quotes about funny
funny truth honesty
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Winston Churchill
funny long speech
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest
funny life leadership
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
funny trust witty
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
funny dog men
When I started driving our old four-door green DeSoto, I always took Skip on my trips around town. I would get Skip to prop himself against the steering wheel, his black head peering out of the windshield, while I crouched out of sight under the dashboard. Slowing the car to ten or fifteen, I would guide the steering wheel with my right hand while Skip, with his paws, kept it steady. As we drove by the Blue Front Café, I could hear one of the men shout: "Look at that ol' dog drivin' a car!" Willie Morris
funny work humor
What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously. William Zinsser
funny doctors drug
You need a good bedside manner with doctors or you will get nowhere. William S. Burroughs
funny-sarcastic alcohol drug
Our national drug is alcohol. We tend to regard the use any other drug with special horror.
funny dog lying
The face of "evil" is always the face of total need. A dope fiend is a man in total need of dope. Beyond a certain frequency need knows absolutely no limit or control. In the words of total need: "Wouldn't you?" Yes you would. You would lie, cheat, inform on your friends, steal, do anything to satisfy total need. Because you would be in a state of total sickness, total possession, and not in a position to act in any other way. Dope fiends are sick people who cannot act other than they do. A rabid dog cannot choose but bite.
funny hilarious witty
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.'
funny soccer football
Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win Vinnie Jones
funny gun men
Some men rob you with a six-gun -- others rob you with a fountain pen. Woody Guthrie
funny-inspirational years half
I've been vegan for about 10 and a half years. It's been all good. I'm obviously much healthier Woody Harrelson
funny sex yoga
I was on my bus, and on my bus I have a yoga swing. Jennifes comes on, and she goes, ' Hi, Woody, I'm J--- is that a sex swing?' Her first sentence to me.
funny sorry knows
I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong. Woodrow Wilson
funny believe afterlife
I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case. Woody Allen
funny death humor
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
funny death lying
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
funny thinking choices
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
funny humor world
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
funny mean drug
I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.
funny doors water-skiing
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
funny british knows
I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.
funny nba cities
Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.
funny-inspirational class strikes
My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.
funny food humor
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
funny crazy humor
... years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
funny humor science
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
funny life death
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
funny life art
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
funny family children
I am an only child. I have one sister.
funny cutting thinking
Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
funny beautiful sex
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.