Famous Quotes & Sayings

Lawrence Ferlinghetti

If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

Lawrence Durrell

I'm trying to die correctly, but it's very difficult, you know.

Laura Prepon

Well, the clothes are really cool that we wear. The sets are so funny, because it's like everything is so real.

Larry David

I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.

Larry David

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.

Larry David

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

Larry David

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Larry David

I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.

Larry David

I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

Ronald Blythe

Old age is - a lot of crossed off names in an address book.

Ron White

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade....

Ron White

The arresting officer-who I had literally known all my life, you know what I mean? This guy lived four doors down from me in a town of less than 400 people. We've met. Anyway, at the station, he asks me if I have any aliases. And I was just being a smartass and said, "Yeah, they call me... Tater Salad." Seventeen years later, I'm handcuffed to a bench with blood coming out my nose, this cop comes up to me and says, "Are you Ron... 'Tater Salad' White?"

Ron White

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

Ron Fairly

Bruce Sutter has been around for awhile and he's pretty old. He's thirty-five years old. That will give you some idea of how old he is.

Ron Fairly

Last night I neglected to mention something that bears repeating.

Rupert Brooke

A book may be compared to your neighbor: if it be good, it cannot last too long; if bad, you cannot get rid of it too early.

Rupert Everett

Hmm... Death by mini bar, how glamorous.

Tom Petty

If you're not getting older, you're dead.

Tom Peters

I found myself declaiming, full flower, for an hour on the "utmost importance and urgency" of Blogging, telling him in no uncertain terms that, especially in a high-end niche business, Blogging is "the premier way" to have "intimate conversations" with his Clients. Funny thing, I believe it!

Tom Robbins

There's birth, there's death, and in between there's maintenance.

Tom Robbins

Rap music... sounds like somebody feeding a rhyming dictionary to a popcorn popper.

Tom Robbins

Well, there's one thing to be said for money. It can make you rich.

Tom Robbins

Birth and death were easy. It was life that was hard.

Tom Robbins

We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.

Tom Lehrer

The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.

Tom Lehrer

Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.

Tom Lehrer

Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. What we have now, to quote myself at my most pretentious, is a nimiety of scurrility with a concomitant exiguity of taste.

Tom Lehrer

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

Tom Lehrer

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

Tom Arnold

My wife's nagging is like living near the airport. After a while you don't notice it any more.

Steve Wozniak

I think that the anti-Microsoft sentiment is simply due to their having been so successful selling a lot of crap.

Steve Allen

Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar.

Stephen Crane

A man said to the universe: 'Sir, I exist!' 'However,' replied the universe. 'The fact has not created in me A sense of obligation.