Famous Quotes & Sayings

Tina Fey

Wafah Dufour bin Laden, niece of Osama bin Laden has signed a contract to star in a reality show... called Skating with the Nieces of Terrorists.

Tina Fey

At the upcoming Grammy Awards, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony will perform together as the first time, as man and wife. Hopefully music.

Tina Fey

This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in 10,000 pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over 14,000 dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him.

Tina Fey

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of zodiac-inspired toe rings and homeopathic children's medications are selling on Home Shopping Network.

Tina Fey

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.

Tina Fey

Ladies gotta say no to their husbands at the movies. They gotta say: "No, we are watching back-to-back cancer movies. And then this movie about a cat."

Tina Fey

Obviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying "like" all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.

Tina Fey

I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.

Tina Fey

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

Tina Fey

I am constantly amazed by Tina Fey. And I am Tina Fey.

Tina Fey

I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.

Tina Fey

An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women's Affairs. Man, who'd she have to show here ankles to to get that job?

Tina Fey

Growing up as a girl is always traumatizing, especially when you have the deadly combination of greasy skin and getting your boobs at ten. But I think it's good to grow up that way. It builds character.

Tim McCarver

Bob Gibson is the luckiest pitcher I ever saw. He always pitches when the other team doesn't score any runs.

Sam Ewing

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

Sam Ewing

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

S. I. Hayakawa

I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose.

S. J. Perelman

"In France," Marcel said with wintry dignity, "accidents occur in the bedroom, not the kitchen."

S. J. Perelman

FREEDLEY: Will I feel better after I take it? DR. FITCH (coldly): I, am a physician, Freedley, not an astrologer. If you want a horoscope, there's a gypsy tearoom over on Lexington Avenue.

S. J. Perelman

Do you know anything at all that nobody else knows or, for that matter, gives a damn about? If you do, then sit tight, because one of these days you're going to Hollywood as a technical supervisor on a million dollar movie.

Russell M. Nelson

The only duration of family life that satisfies the loftiest longings of the human soul is forever.

Russell Simmons

You'll see a lot of funny stuff, you'll see a lot of daddy-knows-best stuff, you'll see a lot of me and my wife trying to hold the family together.

Ronald Reagan

Please assure me that you are all Republicans.

Ronald Reagan

Elena, my four year old, says to me in all seriousness; "Mommy, you need to buy another baby".

Ronald Reagan

Until now has there ever been a time in which so many of the prophecies are coming together? There have been times in the past when people thought the end of the world was coming, and so forth, but never anything like this.

Ronald Reagan

We were told four years ago that 17 million people went to bed hungry every night. Well, that was probably true. They were all on a diet.

Ronald Reagan

... a faceless mass, waiting for handouts.

Ronald Reagan

Today a newcomer to the state is automatically eligible for our many aid programs the moment he crosses the border.

Ronald Reagan

We think there is a parallel between federal involvement in education and the decline in profit over recent years.

Ronald Reagan

They've done away with those committees. That shows the success of what the Soviets were able to do in this country.

Ronald Reagan

I know all the bad things that happened in that war. I was in uniform four years myself.

Ronald Reagan

... the moral equal of our Founding Fathers.

Ronald Reagan

I have a feeling that we are doing better in the war than the people have been told.