Famous Quotes & Sayings

Mark Twain

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

Mark Twain

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

Mark Twain

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

Mark Twain

A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.

Mark Twain

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Mark Twain

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

Mark Twain

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

Mark Twain

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Mark Twain

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

Mark Twain

A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?

Mark Twain

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Mark Twain

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.

Mark Twain

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Mark Twain

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Mark Twain

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

Mark Twain

What a man misses mostly in heaven is company.

Mark Twain

great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.

Mark Twain

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

Mark Twain

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

Mark Twain

I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect.

Mark Twain

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

Mark Twain

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Mark Twain

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

We have the best government that money can buy.

Mark Twain

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

Mary Quant

Having money is rather like being a blond. It is more fun but not vital.

Marion Barry

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

Mario Puzo

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.

Marilyn Monroe

Suicide, is a persons privilege. I don't believe it's a sin or a crime it's your right if you do. Though it doesn't get you anywhere.

Marilyn Monroe

It's not true I had nothing on, I had the radio on.

Nicole Richie

When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes.