Famous Quotes & Sayings

Spike Milligan

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

Spike Milligan

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Spike Milligan

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

Spike Milligan

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Sigmund Freud

This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.

Sigmund Freud

The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?'

Shirley Temple

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

Shirley MacLaine

A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never ceased to be amused.

Shirley MacLaine

The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.

Shelley Winters

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

Shawn Johnson

It sounds funny, but the 2008 Olympics were something that just kind of happened, and I was lucky they came at a point when I was uninjured and well prepared. As a gymnast, you can't ask for much more.

Shawn Johnson

I always feel like I'm the young one, I'm the small one.

Shaun White

I wear black skinny-fit jeans - I can't get away from them. It's funny because I wore baggy jeans for ages, then one day my friend convinced me to try on a skinny pair and I thought they were great.

Shahrukh Khan

Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others' discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it's funny.

Shahrukh Khan

If I talk to a girl, it's assumed that I'm having a scene with her. If I don't, then it's assumed that I'm gay.

Scott Wood

The Heimlich maneuver works on house pets. My pit bull was choking on his dinner. I squeezed his stomach and the neighbor's cat shot right out.

Richard Brinsley Sheridan

Mr. Speaker. I said the honorable member was a liar it is true and I am sorry for it. The honorable member may place the punctuation where he pleases.

Remy de Gourmont

Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last.

Richard Branson

The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.'

Tippi Hedren

Working with Chaplin was very amusing and strange. His films are so funny, but working with him, I found him to be a very serious man. Whereas the films of Hitchcock are macabre, he could be a very funny man to work with, always telling jokes and holding court. Of course, when I worked with Charlie he was getting older.

Tippi Hedren

One lion thinks it's just hilarious to tackle us. He's very funny about it... and we always know when it will happen.

Tippi Hedren

Hitchcock had a charm about him. He was very funny at times. He was incredibly brilliant in his field of suspense.

Robert A. Heinlein

Self awareness is NOT just a bunch of amino acids bumping together.

Robert A. Heinlein

Are you trying to tell all of us we have a bad signal-to-noise ratio?

Robert A. Heinlein

Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have died out long ago.

Robert A. Heinlein

If I had a Boy Scout I could make a fire by rubbing his hind legs together.

Robert A. Heinlein

There are hidden contradictions in the minds of people who "love Nature" while deploring the "artificialities" with which "Man has spoiled Nature.'" The obvious contradiction lies in their choice of words, which imply that Man and his artifacts are not part of "Nature" : but beavers and their dams are.

Rita Coolidge

Too often, the opportunity knocks, but by the time you push back the chain, push back the bolt, unhook the two locks and shut off the burglar alarm, it's too late.

Ringo Starr

America: It's like Britain, only with buttons.

Rihanna

My knees on the ground, dear father, don't let me break, please make me stronger.

Tim Allen

Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if," so you haven't established or proved without any shadow of a doubt that a woodchuck could chuck wood. Frankly, I believe that they chew wood. I don't think they can chuck wood at all! I take offense to the whole chucking question.

Tim Allen

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

Tim Allen

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.