Quotes about funny
funny war humor
I ain't shooting nobody, so call me a faggot. When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs. Chris Rock
funny humor water
Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.
funny running sex
It's hard for a man to turn down sex ... if they chase us, we can't run that fast.
funny believe taken
And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take they bullet back! "I believe you have my property!"
funny humor diploma
You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.
funny hate humor
I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!
funny humor remember
Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!
funny rap humor
If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! "This is a rap killing. Let's go home!"
funny brother hate
Farrakhan got everybody together for the Million Man March and everything. But Farrakhan don't like the Jews. Which is bugged. I get my hair cut on Dekalb Avenue. I never been in a barbershop and heard a bunch of brothers talking about Jews. Black people don't hate Jews. Black people hate white people! We don't got time to dice white people up into little groups. I hate everybody! I don't care if you just got here. "Hey, I'm Romanian." "You Romanian cracker!"
funny humor men
Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check ... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!"
funny mother crazy
All you crazy white people "I'm American!", all you did was come out of your mother's pussy on American soil. That's it. That's it! What, you think you're better than somebody from France 'cause you came out of a pussy in Detroit?
funny basketball baseball
You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on it, don't you think?
funny book humor
Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"
funny humor two
Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
funny cancer kids
That's all we had when I was a kid: Robitussin. No matter what you got, Robitussin better handle it. "Daddy, I got asthma." "Robitussin." "I got cancer." "Robitussin." "I broke my leg." Daddy poured Robitussin on it. "Yeah, boy, let that 'tussin get in there. Yeah, boy, let that 'tussin get on down to the bone. The 'tussin ought to straighten out the bone."
funny hollywood
Hollywood's just not funny.
funny humor ghetto
I just thought everybody lived around abandoned buildings and crack-heads, ... I lived in the ghetto until I was like 19. I came to Los Angeles, stayed at hotels and stuff. When I got back and I saw what my neighborhood looked like, I started getting scared.
funny humor liquor-stores
Not a Harvard-type education, ... Just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.
funny running humor
I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'
funny humor thinking
Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.
funny jobs fall
Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
funny school humor
School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.
funny gun men
White man makes guns? No problem. Black rapper says "gun"? Congressional hearing.
funny mother lines
My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons.
funny humor gun
Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
funny-marriage people married
Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
funny ideas laughing
Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.
funny humor want
I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.
funny humor vcr
Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.
funny humor president
I don't need a president with a bucket list!
funny epic mexican
Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work.
funny grandma kids
If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!
funny sports humor
Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.