Famous Quotes & Sayings

Larry David

People have often wondered how they'd feel if they were adopted. I think it's funny.

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

Susan Stroman

Mel has written 10 new songs, and they're very funny. It's a year and a half away from opening on Broadway.

Billy Corgan

The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I'm really a jock.

Bill Shankly

A football team is like a piano. You need eight men to carry it and three who can play the damn thing.

Bill Engvall

He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going "there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot."

Bill Engvall

My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that ... discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was ... gifted. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up." She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?" And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"

Bill Engvall

No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.

Bill Engvall

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."

Wally Amos

Regardless of any unpleasantness in my life, I still get up every morning and look for positive things to do, ... Who's In Charge.

Bob Harrington

Our plumbers will snake the pipes. At the Student Life Center, there is a problem because the pipes are smaller than we would like them to be.

Newt Gingrich

Paul Coverdell lived a life that we can all be proud of and look up to,

Paul Azinger

Payne Stewart loved life. He was the life of every party.

Joe Gibbs

Part of playing the game of life is you're going to have some losses.

Jack Hannah

Our lifestyle has always been cowboy. We were raised that way as a way of life.

Jean-Marie Messier

Our multiaccess approach will make the life of the customer simpler.

Mike White

People kind of stumble their way through life a lot of times.

Jennifer Coolidge

People have this view, 'Oh, you're in movies, your life is so glamorous' but it can really suck.

Carrie Fisher

You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.

Carrie Fisher

Instant gratification takes too long.

Bill Vaughan

Muscles come and go; flab lasts.

Bill Bryson

Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car.

Carl Jung

Aw, now look at that, you're being sarcastic, aren't you?

Charles Kingsley

He was one of those men who possess almost every gift, except the gift of the power to use them.

Alanis Morissette

In my opinion, I think sarcasm and humor in a song, without turning it into a novelty song, is really charming.

Charles Osgood

Being Politically Correct means always having to say you're sorry.

Benjamin Disraeli

A sophisticated rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity.