Quotes about funny
funny humor kissing
A kiss is like a fight, with mouths. Kristen Schaal
funny sex comedy
As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex.
funny humor ambitious
This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.
funny humor talking
Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.
funny stupid humor
Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.
funny moving valentine
1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.
funny humor blow
Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.
funny humor beer
If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.
funny humor reality
I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!
funny airplane humor
At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.
funny humor optimistic
If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.
funny loneliness humor
I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.
funny responsibility humor
One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!
funny humor airports
The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.
funny humor feet
I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.
funny humor toenails
Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.
funny baby humor
I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.
funny heart ambition
The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.
funny humor turkeys
Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.
funny humor moon
If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?
funny humor two
You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners...
funny listening trying
With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny. Kristen Wiig
funny movie school
I had to act in a school play when I was about ten years old. I really didn't want to do it. But everyone had to do it so I didn't have a choice. A talent agent came and watched it and later gave me some work. It's funny because I'd always known that I wanted a movie career. I just didn't think that I would be in the movies. Kristen Stewart
funny games play
And I like to keep whatever is mine remaining that way. It's a funny little game to play and it's a slippery slope. I always say to myself I'm never going to give anything away because there's never any point or benefit for me.
funny people attention
It's a funny thing: You want so badly for people to see what you do - you're proud of it - and I like the effect that movies have on people. But the attention can also make me uncomfortable.
funny-things sitting-down sound
I love sitting down and having actual conversations. But I don't do that sound-bite, be-candidly-funny thing.
funny body want
I'm like, bursting. I should be working. I don't want to take a break. It's funny, on set, I don't have to go to the bathroom, I don't have anything wrong, I'm perfectly fine, so through-and-through. I'm not hungry. I'm literally not even in my own body.
funny time work
So little time and so little to do. Oscar Levant
funny depressing patient
I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.
funny sarcastic loneliness
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
funny humorous party
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
funny humor dining
Schizophrenia beats dining alone.
funny humility pride
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.