Quotes about funny
funny cutting
I'm just like anyone. I cut and I bleed. And I embarass easily. Michael Jackson
funny beer may
Beer may cause you to digress - and lead a happier life. Michael Jackson
funny death jobs
If you don't know how to die, don't worry; Nature will tell you what to do on the spot, fully and adequately. She will do this job perfectly for you; don't bother your head about it. Michel de Montaigne
funny humor cat
When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her. Michel de Montaigne
funny wise humor
Fortune, seeing that she could not make fools wise, has made them lucky. Michel de Montaigne
funny marriage witty
Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance. Michel de Montaigne
funny truth world
I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there. Mark Twain
funny travel humor
The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo. Mark Twain
funny truth statistics
All generalizations are false, including this one. Mark Twain
funny wise money
Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is but a matter of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET." - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar Mark Twain
funny-friendship exercise funeral
I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly. Mark Twain
funny time calendars
I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time. Marilyn Monroe
funny-relationship kissing shopping
I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don't wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too. Maria Bamford
funny paralyzed
I've never really thought of myself as depressed so much as I am paralyzed by hope. Maria Bamford
funny war tomorrow
War is a poor chisel to carve out tomorrow. Martin Luther King, Jr.
funny missing dumb
I miss being able to wake up when I want and go on stage when I want and pull down my pants when I want. Mark Wahlberg
funny bugs sometimes
Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug. Mark Knopfler
funny dumb looking-good
Thats not a place where I'm considered good-looking. Mark Hoppus
funny baseball games
You don't realize how easy this game is until you get up in that broadcasting booth. Mickey Mantle
funny-inspirational demand programming
Software sucks because users demand it to. Nathan Myhrvold
funny witty humorous
God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. Naguib Mahfouz
funny country farewell
I have to go and say farewell to all the countries that I have been to, if I can. I am 73 now, it is taxing on me. Miriam Makeba
funny life sexually-transmitted-diseases
Life is a sexually transmitted disease. R. D. Laing
funny-christmas women believe
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. Publilius Syrus
funny-things way firsts
A funny thing happened on the way to the election - I got to the Senate first. Pierre Salinger
funny humor ugly
The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.' Kristen Schaal
funny humor want
He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want... Kristen Schaal
funny girlfriend humor
Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes. Kristen Schaal
funny humor men
Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys? Kristen Schaal
funny humor hot
You're looking good today Bret. Very hot... hotter than Jemaine. You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too deep set to be classically handsome. Kristen Schaal
funny nice rain
Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather. Kristen Schaal
funny humor goats
I would imagine that Bret would taste like a warm goat cheese, and Jemaine would taste like harvati with dill. Hmm...I'm hungry actually. Kristen Schaal
funny humor mean
I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater... Kristen Schaal