Famous Quotes & Sayings

Lord Byron

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

John Ciardi

A dollar saved is a quarter earned.

John Cleese

Manuel will show you to your rooms - if you're lucky.

John Cleese

years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced.

John Cleese

A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed.

John Cleese

Yes it's her husband. She hasn't got over it. Died thirty years ago.

John Cleese

Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies

John Cleese

When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries to play as well.

John Cleese

The English contribution to world cuisine - the chip.

John Cleese

You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change.

John Cleese

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

John Buchan

[W]ithout humour you cannot run a sweetie-shop, let alone a nation.

John Buchan

An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.

John Barrymore

Busy yourselves with this, you damned walruses, while the rest of use proceed with the libretto.

John Barrymore

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.

John Barrymore

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

Louise Brown

Don't call 'em dogs. Dogs are loyal and they run after balls.

John Cena

Fashion advice from the Tooth Fairy, that's great.

John Cena

Heath Slater, or the chick from Wendy's

John Archibald Wheeler

Time is what prevents everything from happening at once.

Al Franken

You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny.

Christopher Gorham

You know, 'Jake 2.0' had some funny things in it; I mean, I needed my sense of humor to do that part.

Maureen Dowd

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.

Maureen Johnson

It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke.

Maureen Johnson

The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs.

Matthew Lillard

I was like, what the hell is my life coming to? I'm a trained actor! I've done Shakespeare and here I am having farting contests with an imaginary dog!

Maya Rudolph

I thought she was the funniest woman, and I believed being a comedian was the most exciting thing you could be.

Maynard James Keenan

Actually I never did stand up. I'm not that funny.

Maynard James Keenan

People have to follow their hearts, and if their hearts lead them to Wal-Mart, so be it.

Matt Lauer

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Meg Cabot

Save your rejections so that later when you are famous you can show them to people and laugh.

Maurice Chevalier

Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.

Matthew Pearl

Yes, we rather condemn people for eternity without the courtesy of informing them.