Quotes about funny
funny flower humorous
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. Oscar Levant
funny life success
It's much easier for me to make major life, multi-million dollar decisions, than it is to decide on a carpet for my front porch. That's the truth. Oprah Winfrey
funny humor redneck
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and it holds the world together. Oprah Winfrey
funny-inspirational burgers vegan
I'm stopped. I'll never eat another burger. Oprah Winfrey
funny dog father
This past Thanksgiving, my father was at the farm, and I had all 11 dogs in the house with a father who never allowed dogs in the house. And he got up to leave the table and came back and Solomon was in his chair. And he says, "This dog is in my chair." And I said, "It's the other way around, you're sitting in his chair." Oprah Winfrey
funny bagpipes ireland-and-the-irish
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. Oliver Herford
funny humor eggs
I would like to throw an egg into an electric fan. Oliver Herford
funny sarcastic laughter
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often. Oliver Herford
funny military stupid
I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version. Oliver North
funny witty lying
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies. Oliver Goldsmith
funny-life vitamins reason
These things sneak up on him for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency. Margaret Atwood
funny philosophical philosopher
There is nothing so absurd that some philosopher has not already said it. Marcus Tullius Cicero
funny time men
As I approve of a youth that has something of the old man in him, so I am no less pleased with an old man that has something of the youth. He that follows this rule may be old in body, but can never be so in mind. Marcus Tullius Cicero
funny women cocky
Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend. Marcel Achard
funny music silence
Music and silence combine strongly because music is done with silence, and silence is full of music. Marcel Marceau
funny stupid kids
I made stupid decisions as a kid, or as a young adult, but I'm trying to be now, I'm trying to take this lemon and make lemonade. Kevin Mitnick
funny stupid home
There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home. Ken Olsen
funny witty names
I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away. Oscar Levant
funny world old-world
It's a funny old world. Margaret Thatcher
funny basketball mean
There are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics. Michael Jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success: how to stay aloft without visible means of support. Margaret Thatcher
funny life truth
Of course it's the same old story. Truth usually is the same old story. Margaret Thatcher
funny color speak-english
My parents are very funny when they have to deal with anything racy or off-color. They usually pretend they don't speak English. Margaret Cho
funny i-can
I can never tell when something is funny. I just have to do it onstage and find out. Margaret Cho
funny school sunday
I taught Sunday School for two years. And I got fired. I abused my authority. I used to teach class like this, "OK, if one more person talks, everybody is going to Hell." Margaret Cho
funny successful men
Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. Mark Twain
funny thinking years
He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals. Mark Twain
funny running people
The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials. Mark Twain
funny witty stories
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness. Mark Twain
funny years ass
I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55. Mark Twain
funny-friend heaven hell
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places. Mark Twain
funny-relationship thinking men
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him. Mark Twain
funny sarcastic way
Had double chins all the way down to his stomach. Mark Twain
funny humorous eye
In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language. Mark Twain