Famous Quotes & Sayings

Oscar Levant

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Oprah Winfrey

It's much easier for me to make major life, multi-million dollar decisions, than it is to decide on a carpet for my front porch. That's the truth.

Oprah Winfrey

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and it holds the world together.

Oprah Winfrey

I'm stopped. I'll never eat another burger.

Oprah Winfrey

This past Thanksgiving, my father was at the farm, and I had all 11 dogs in the house with a father who never allowed dogs in the house. And he got up to leave the table and came back and Solomon was in his chair. And he says, "This dog is in my chair." And I said, "It's the other way around, you're sitting in his chair."

Oliver Herford

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.

Oliver Herford

I would like to throw an egg into an electric fan.

Oliver Herford

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

Oliver North

I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version.

Oliver Goldsmith

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.

Margaret Atwood

These things sneak up on him for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency.

Marcus Tullius Cicero

There is nothing so absurd that some philosopher has not already said it.

Marcus Tullius Cicero

As I approve of a youth that has something of the old man in him, so I am no less pleased with an old man that has something of the youth. He that follows this rule may be old in body, but can never be so in mind.

Marcel Achard

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.

Marcel Marceau

Music and silence combine strongly because music is done with silence, and silence is full of music.

Kevin Mitnick

I made stupid decisions as a kid, or as a young adult, but I'm trying to be now, I'm trying to take this lemon and make lemonade.

Ken Olsen

There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.

Oscar Levant

I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.

Margaret Thatcher

It's a funny old world.

Margaret Thatcher

There are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics. Michael Jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success: how to stay aloft without visible means of support.

Margaret Thatcher

Of course it's the same old story. Truth usually is the same old story.

Margaret Cho

My parents are very funny when they have to deal with anything racy or off-color. They usually pretend they don't speak English.

Margaret Cho

I can never tell when something is funny. I just have to do it onstage and find out.

Margaret Cho

I taught Sunday School for two years. And I got fired. I abused my authority. I used to teach class like this, "OK, if one more person talks, everybody is going to Hell."

Mark Twain

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Mark Twain

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

Mark Twain

The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.

Mark Twain

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

Mark Twain

I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.

Mark Twain

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Mark Twain

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him.

Mark Twain

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

Mark Twain

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.