Quotes about funny
funny clever growing-up
It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others. Mike Birbiglia
funny humor cutting
They really cut to the chase in the urologist's examination room, and I tried to laugh. If this office were a movie, it would have been rated R.
funny writing way
I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out.
funny selfish humor
When you're in a relationship with someone who's selfish, what keeps you in it is the fact that when they shine on you, it's this souped-up shine. And you feel like you're in the club. And you don't even know what club it is. You just know you want to stay in it.
funny humor thinking
It had that kind of open-ended fear to it - like that feeling you get when you're driving and you see a cop. And you're not speeding. You don't have drugs. But you're just thinking, I hope he doesn't notice I'm driving.
funny humor soul
I don't drink a lot. My family calls me an old soul. And my friends call me a pussy.
funny humor men
I read recently that women still make 30% less than men in the workplace. Which I think is fine, cause if we didn't make 30% more, you guys would marry each other.
funny strong humor
Bears are simultaneously so graceful and so strong. Bears know who they are, but they often don’t know who you are, which is why they kill you.
funny song pain
When I was a kid I would write songs, little plays, and poetry in school. If you're an adult and you're a poet, it's all about love and pain, but if you're a kid it's, "Does anyone know a word that rhymes with shark?"
funny-relationship math needs
What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.
funny holiday humor
I thought, Hey, maybe these people shouldn't be making up holidays to drink more. Maybe if they drank less they might be able to title their newspaper articles more specifically. For example, I would title this last article "Drunk Driver Hits Drunk Walker Drunkety-Drunk I'm So Drunk."
funny humor yankees
I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, "We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!"
funny-things drawing people
It's a funny thing that people are always ready to admit it if they've no talent for drawing or music, whereas everyone imagines that they themselves are capable of true love, which is a talent like any other, only far more rare. Nancy Mitford
funny book dumb
With the history of us, a book wouldn't necessarily be the best thing. Keisha Buchanan
funny mom good-things
Moms Mabley said you have to say good things about the dead. I say, 'He's dead. Good.' Kate Clinton
funny-things things-in-life illness
Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen. Julia Sweeney
funny-inspirational men thinking
Sexism is so five minutes ago. I think for the most part, people accept that women are as competent as men. Katie Couric
funny mean people
Reaganomics, that makes sense to me. It means if you don't have enough money, it's just because poor people are hoarding it. Kevin Rooney
funny-marriage calm neutering
Marriage is great. It'll calm you down - that and neutering. Kevin Nealon
funny baby laughter
A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.
funny thinking feet
It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, 'Get up. What's wrong with you?' Ice Cube
funny dark records
Our records, if you have a dark sense of humor, were funny, but our records weren't about comedy. They were about protests, fantasy, confrontation and all that.
funny players puts smart work
He puts the work in. It's funny how smart players find a way to get smarter. That's what he does. Dave Tippett
funny real breathing
The California cemeteries make dying sound so attractive it's a real effort to keep breathing. Jack Paar
funny nice california
Hollywood, we decided, was a nice place to die, but we wouldn't want to live there.
funny book son
Son of Lady Chatterley's Lover had obvious commercial advantages (as a title for this book), but it impugned the marital status of my parents, something that enough critics were already doing.
funny california care
It was plain to see the Hollywood undertakers take care of everything. If you die you don't have to lift a finger.
funny california fire
We were ensconced as guests of the exclusive Beverly Hilton Hotel, an edifice so swank that the fire ax in the hall outside our suite said: "In case of fire-break crystal."
funny hurt fall
Then there was the time in Hollywood when I sat down in a breakaway chair and it collapsed on me. I was nearly knocked out and might have been even more seriously hurt but my fall was broken by the smog.
funny two california
... Variety and the Hollywood Reporter, two publications read more faithfully in Hollywood than the Koran is in Mecca.
funny believe humor
Disneyland is such a big thing to Californians, I discovered that when you cross the border you have to raise your right hand and take an oath that you believe in Walt Disney.
funny humor oscars
The only non-believer I encountered was Oscar Levant who wouldn't visit Disneyland because he said he had his own hallucinations.
funny stupid garbage-disposal
People say I'm extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage? Imelda Marcos