Quotes about funny
funny christian sarcastic
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin
funny humor stupid-people
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
funny sarcastic witty
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
funny math sarcasm
People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
funny god atheist
When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not agnostic. I'm an acrostic. The whole thing puzzles me.
funny humor matter
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
funny sarcastic witty
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
funny texas execution
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
funny witty firsts
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
funny thinking people
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.
funny humor treasure
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
funny guy drug
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with
funny people groups
I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
funny humor names
It used to be cars had cool names: Dart, Hawk, Fury, Cougar, Firebird, Hornet, Mustang, Barracuda. Now we have Elantra, Altima, Acura, Lumina, Sentra, Corolla, Maxima, Tercel. Further proof that America has lost its edge.
funny humor gun
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
funny humor shapes
I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
funny humor dumb-questions
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
funny humor machines
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
funny humor thinking
If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some breadsticks?" "No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll."
funny running years
Geologists claim that although the world is running out of oil, there is still a 200-hundred-year supply of brake fluid.
funny thinking should-have
I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
funny baby two
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
funny death long
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
funny god sarcastic
How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
funny sarcastic witty
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
funny-life rest-of-your-life tomorrow
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
funny sarcastic sarcasm
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
funny halloween moon
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
funny life reality
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
funny dream time
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
funny sarcastic witty
We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
funny life humor
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
funny life humor
The status quo sucks.