Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
funny time humor
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
killing eternity time-to-kill
If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
funny time fall
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...
time watches spares
I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.
time sorry mind
Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.
funny time humor
You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
funny witty time
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
funny cute time
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
funny time humor
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
funny time humor
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
funny time humor
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
firsts killing first-time
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
audience came clicked johnny since tonight watching
I've wanted to do it since I was 14 years old, from watching 'The Tonight Show,' watching Johnny (Carson) and the other comedians. Something clicked in me that I wanted to be one of those guys, someone who came out and made the audience laugh.
statue
The statue is permanently out of place in my house,