Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
funny team humor
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
funny humor tired
I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
funny running horse
When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse.
funny humor snakes
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
funny wall humor
I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.
funny humor night
It's a fine night to have an evening.
funny humor limbo
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
funny humor home
One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building. I turned it, and the whole building started up. So I drove it around. A policeman stopped me for going too fast. He said, "Where do you live?" I said, "Right here!" Then I drove my building onto the middle of a highway, and I ran outside, and told all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway.
funny humor thinking
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
funny humor would-be
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
funny humor two
Clones are people two.
funny humor coats
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
funny jobs drinking
I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
funny humor feet
I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coat hanger.