Quotes about humor
humorous sweat giving
Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your tax return around under your armpit. No IRS agent is going to want to spend hours poring over a sweat-stained document. So even if you owe money, you can put in for an enormous refund and the agent will probably give it to you, just to avoid an audit. What does he care? It's not his money. Dave Barry
humor home beer
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
humorous party night
You've reached Fantasia, where the undead live again every night," "For bar hours, press one. To make a party reservation, press two. To talk to alive person or a dead vampire, press three. Or, if you were intending to leave a humorous prank message on our answering machine, know this: we will find you. Charlaine Harris
humor opportunity would-be
If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, and you wouldn't have an opportunity. Bob Parsons
humorous thinking soldier
I drew pictures for and about the soldiers because I knew what their life was like and understood their gripes. I wanted to make something out of the humorous situations which come up even when you don't think life could be any more miserable. Bill Mauldin
humor college thinking
A college of wit-crackers cannot flout me out of my humor. Dost thou think I care for a satire or an epigram? William Shakespeare
humorous phones dvds
Don't call me when you're stuck in traffic. It's not my fault that radio sucks and did it ever occur to you that there wouldn't be so much traffic if people like you put down the phone and concentrated on the road... besides I can't talk now, I'm in the car behind you trying to watch a DVD. Bill Maher
humorous technology boys
The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
humorous thinking guy
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em? Bill Watterson
humorous successful russia
We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back. Bob Hope
humorous israel soup
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
humorous differences america
The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.
humorous past worry
As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, "Don't worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it's obsolete."
humorous america perfect
She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn't understand us at all.
humorous america people
Some people put us down. But I still haven't heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!
humorous oil america
Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?
humorous england poor
My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.
humorous england british
The place was so British, I wouldn't have been surprised if the mice wore monocles.
humorous japan bows
The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don't know which end to talk to.
humorous japan cab-drivers
Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.
humorous heart russia
Our first stop was red square, the heart of Moscow - if Moscow has one.
humorous japan room-service
The service at the Imperial (Tokyo) is the finest I've encountered anywhere. There was a button next to my bed marked ROOM SERVICE - and a maid to press it for me.
humorous personality england
There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.
humorous ties clubs
English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie. . . in the shower.
humorous paris sick
There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "
humorous littles pigeons
I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.
humorous catching-on japan
Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.
humorous average three
It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.
humorous ashes england
We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.
humorous england affection
England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there.
humorous speech germany
Free speech isn't dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers...
humor dying records
Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying. Bill Murray
humor sense-of-humor righteous
The righteous one has no sense of humor. Bertolt Brecht