Quotes about funny
funny sex humor
I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank. Rodney Dangerfield
funny humor wife
I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.
funny humor echoes
She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
funny humor fats
She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
funny beach sorry
My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
funny girl humor
I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.
funny humor self
My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
funny success humor
Life is just a bowl of pits.
funny sex humor
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
funny cute boyfriend
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
funny humor suicidal
My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
funny humor eye
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
funny humor car
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
funny crazy humor
I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!
funny humor doctors
I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!
funny sex humor
Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!
funny daughter humor
My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles
funny couple humor
I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.
funny humor wife
My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!
funny mom dog
My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!
funny humor two
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
funny kids boys
When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
funny school lunch
School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
funny girl bars
The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!
funny children humor
I was a poster child... for birth control!
funny morning humor
I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
funny humor cake
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
funny humor subway
I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".
funny girl humor
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!
funny girl humor
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
funny girl sex
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
funny girlfriend humor
And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
funny humor kids
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."