Famous Quotes & Sayings

R. D. Laing

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

Publilius Syrus

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

Pierre Salinger

A funny thing happened on the way to the election - I got to the Senate first.

Nell Freudenberger

Research for fiction is a funny thing: you go looking for one piece of information, and find something altogether different.

Nellie Bly

On the wagon sped, and I, as well as my comrades, gave a despairing farewell glance at freedom as we came in sight of the long stone buildings.

Neil Young

Being sued by your own record company, that's even better than receiving a Grammy

Rachel McAdams

I'm very silly as a person, but quality silliness on-screen has more of an art to it. Harrison Ford, whom I was in 'Morning Glory' with, has mastered that dry funny better than anyone.

Rachel Maddow

Internet's been down most of the day [at work]. Doing research by just asking everyone what we remember to be true. What could possibly go wrong?

Newt Gingrich

A mere forty years ago, beach volleyball was just beginning. No bureaucrat would have invented it, and that's what freedom is all about.

Nick Cannon

I'd love to do a film with Mariah. But it would have to be a comedy. She's the funniest woman in the world, she just cracks me up all the time.

Nick Cannon

Imagine if you've got the diva of all divas. If we've got to be somewhere at five or six o'clock, I tell her its time to go at noon so she gets those five hours to do what she needs to do. But were both kids at heart. She is the funniest person ever and she has a great sense of humor. We connect at a spiritual level.

Mike Myers

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

Joey Adams

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Joey Adams

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

Joey Adams

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

Joey Lauren Adams

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Joey Lauren Adams

A genius is one who can do anything except make a living.

Joe Theismann

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

Joe Namath

Till I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'

Joe Camp

It was a fine fall morning in Paris, crisp and clear, and Benji was quite full of himself, cavorting near the fountain, playing with the children who had inexplicably materialized out of nowhere at the first whiff of a movie star. Their faces radiated and they took turns gently stroking his head. Those Benji chose to favor with a big sloppy lick exploded with laughter, and one young girl ran to her mother, screeching in French that she would never wash her face again.

Jodi Picoult

Change is a funny thing. We never are quite sure what we are becoming or even why. Then one day we look at ourselves and wonder who we are and how we got that way. Only one thing about change remains constant...it is always painful

Ken Dodd

Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.

Ken Dodd

Freud's theory was that when a joke opens a window and all those bats and bogeymen fly out, you get a marvellous feeling of relief and elation. The trouble with Freud is that he never had to play the old Glasgow Empire on a Saturday night after Rangers and Celtic had both lost.

Kathy Griffin

There's one thing that's really great about waking up early, and it's not jogging or greeting the day - it's just that that's when they make doughnuts.

Keanu Reeves

I mean, I went to a Catholic boys' school for a year, but that was to play hockey. Religion class was quite contentious for me.

Keanu Reeves

I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness.

Kristen Schaal

The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'

Kristen Schaal

He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want...

Kristen Schaal

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.

Kristen Schaal

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

Kristen Schaal

You're looking good today Bret. Very hot... hotter than Jemaine. You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too deep set to be classically handsome.

Kristen Schaal

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

Kristen Schaal

I would imagine that Bret would taste like a warm goat cheese, and Jemaine would taste like harvati with dill. Hmm...I'm hungry actually.