Famous Quotes & Sayings

Marc Maron

Have you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you're one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves?

Marc Maron

I feel bad for people who have never been addicted to anything, because they're the real losers. You want to know why? Because they don't know what it's like to really want something - and then get it again and again and again.

Marc Maron

In most cases the only difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.

Marc Maron

Is there any indication we shouldn't be depressed? Are you living on the same planet that I am? Do you ever think that depression might be the reasonable human response to the crap we're going through as a species, meant to propel us into the next evolutionary step or, at least, into taking some different course of action, so that we might survive? Do you ever think that maybe it's the happy people that are really screwed up in the head?

Samuel Johnson

I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.

Samuel Johnson

Almost every man wastes part of his life attempting to display qualities which he does not possess.

Samuel Johnson

Fly-fishing may be a very pleasant amusement; but angling or float fishing I can only compare to a stick and a string, with a worm at one end and a fool at the other.

Samuel Johnson

No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned... a man in a jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company.

Roy Bean

I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40.

Rowan Atkinson

I'm as poor as a church mouse, that's just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese.

Rowan Atkinson

Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther.

Rowan Atkinson

I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.

Rowan Atkinson

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Rowan Atkinson

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Ronald Reagan

But I also happen to be someone who believes in tithing--the giving of a tenth .

Ronald Reagan

I have flown twice over Mount St. Helens out on our West Coast. I'm not a scientist and I don't know the figures, but I have a suspicion that that one little mountain has probably released more sulfur dioxide into the atmosphere of the world than has been released in the last ten years of automobile driving or things of that kind that people are so concerned about.

Ronald Reagan

The little dictator who went to Moscow in his green fatigues to receive a bear hug did not forsake the doctrine of Lenin when he returned to the West and appeared in a two-piece suit. (On Daniel Ortega Saavedra)

Ronald Reagan

If you put it on the table as a bargaining chip, it becomes a bargaining chip

Rodney Dangerfield

Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.

Rodney Dangerfield

Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy.

Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

Rodney Dangerfield

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

Rodney Dangerfield

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

Rodney Dangerfield

I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!

Rodney Dangerfield

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

Rodney Dangerfield

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

Rodney Dangerfield

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.

Rodney Dangerfield

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !

Rodney Dangerfield

His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.

Rodney Dangerfield

Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.

Rodney Dangerfield

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

Rodney Dangerfield

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.