Famous Quotes & Sayings

Marc Maron

He does have that weird mixture of born again Christian and stupid that some people mistake for courage and focus.

Marc Maron

How complicated can ice cream flavors be? How much can you put in there? I mean, when the flavor's something like banana ice cream with caramel, fudge chunks, cheddar goldfish and pennies - you've got to draw a line there.

Marc Maron

I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.

Marc Maron

A lot of people think that Jesus is coming back. That's fine, it's your right. But you know, I live in New York, and I think he's running a little late. I'm asking myself, 'Alright, what happens if Jesus comes back tomorrow? What - does he make rounds to churches?' 'OK, everyone who's been good, buses leave in 10 minutes. I'll meet you in front of the post office. I gotta go. Oh, don't tell the Jews I'm back.'

Marc Maron

I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his career.

Marc Maron

You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries. And a second later, you're like, 'Damn, I could have had a car.'

Marc Maron

I've had this look for about a year. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and I like to then walk around the mall and go, 'No! No! This wasn't what it was supposed to be about, people!' Then if there's a Santa at the mall, I walk up to him and say, 'Listen, fat man, you're just a clown at my birthday party.'

Marc Maron

For my next trick I will make everyone understand me.

Marc Maron

Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'

Marc Maron

Have you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you're one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves?

Marc Maron

I feel bad for people who have never been addicted to anything, because they're the real losers. You want to know why? Because they don't know what it's like to really want something - and then get it again and again and again.

Marc Maron

In most cases the only difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.

Marc Maron

Is there any indication we shouldn't be depressed? Are you living on the same planet that I am? Do you ever think that depression might be the reasonable human response to the crap we're going through as a species, meant to propel us into the next evolutionary step or, at least, into taking some different course of action, so that we might survive? Do you ever think that maybe it's the happy people that are really screwed up in the head?

Thomas A. Edison

I find my greatest pleasure, and so my reward, in the work that precedes what the world calls success.

Thomas A. Edison

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

Sid Caesar

The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.

Sid Caesar

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.

Sid Vicious

You're only half the man that I am, and I have half the brain that you do.

Shel Silverstein

I know a way to stay friends forever, There's really nothing to it, I tell you what to do, And you do it.

Shel Silverstein

G'bye, I'm going out to play!

Sharon Osbourne

There's the perception Danni Minogue is the sweetest little thing in the world but she's not... she's got balls of steel.

Tallulah Bankhead

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

Tallulah Bankhead

I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic, and the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.

Tallulah Bankhead

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

Tallulah Bankhead

I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right.

Tallulah Bankhead

Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.

Tallulah Bankhead

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Tallulah Bankhead

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.

Tony Scott

A lot of actors talk about doing their homework, but very few of them do it.

Tony Bennett

Every city I go to is an opportunity to paint, whether it's Omaha or Hawaii.

Tony Benn

I am on the right wing of the middle of the road and with a strong radical bias.

Robert A. Heinlein

Self awareness is NOT just a bunch of amino acids bumping together.

Robert A. Heinlein

Are you trying to tell all of us we have a bad signal-to-noise ratio?