Quotes about funny
funny-love love-you romantic-love
Women love a self-confident bald man. Larry David
funny thinking bad-grades
I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.
funny childhood tough
I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.
funny war humor
All humor is based on hostility - that's why World War Two was funny. Neil Simon
funny sarcastic party
Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other.
funny sexy real
Once they call you a Latin Lover, you're in real trouble. Women expect an Oscar performance in bed. Marcello Mastroianni
funny high-heels shoes
I empathize with women in their high heels so I'll be there in my kilt and T-shirt and I'll walk around all day just to prove that if I can wear the shoes for 36 hours then certainly our customer can wear them. Marc Jacobs
funny reading humor
I'm proud to be part of a generation where reading is a 'look.' Marc Maron
funny cute humor
I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing - unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?'
funny crazy humor
God doesn't seem to talk to people like he used to. Who's he talking to now? I don't know. Then I'm walking down the street in Manhattan one day, and I realize maybe it's those guys you see walking down the street talking to themselves. You know, those guys that are like, 'I can't! No, I can't!' Maybe the other side of that conversation is God going, 'You're the new leader.' 'No I can't!' They're not crazy - they're reluctant prophets.
funny humor thinking
I'm not a racist. It's really case by case; it's not ethnicity specific. It's just the way I react to things that are different. I think that's normal. Everyone's nervous when they're confronted with things that they don't understand or are different. That's a normal human reaction. It doesn't become racist 'til you say things like, 'Oh, there's a lot of them.'
funny coffee writing
There's this whole post-modern, nuevo beatnik, retro-bohemian thing going on, you know what I mean? You walk into some coffee shops, and it feels like you're an ex-patriot in Paris in the 20s. You're like, 'Hey, isn't that a young Ernest Hemingway over there? Yeah, I think it is! Hey, let's go have a look and see what he's writing... It's a Gap application.'
funny humor air
I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.
funny country humor
Let's be honest, this is a consumer based economy in America. That's all we manufacture here is need and appetite. We are the world's mouth. They make things in other countries, and they're like, 'Send it to America; they'll eat it.'
funny children humor
We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.
funny-marriage married
I was married once before, and I stopped.
funny sex cancer
I used to be jealous; I'm not jealous anymore. And a miracle happened to me, because if you're jealous, it's a cancer, it's a plague on your spirit, it really is. And I actually cured jealousy in a very weird way - I cured it with mathematics. And I'm not a math person at all, but I've been with my wife for about seven years, so we have had sex probably, I'd like to think, like, 9 million times or, at least, 1,500. So, the way I figured it, if she goes out and screws some other guy once - I'm still winning.
funny book humor
I immediately went out and bought a book on anger management. And now I have that book, and I don't know if I'll get to the book. But I'm certainly excited about the day where I can't find the book, and I get to say, 'Where the hell is my anger management book?!'
funny dad humor
My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.
funny country jobs
They are not testing comics for drugs. If our job is dependent on that, there would be three working comics in the country, and two of them would have puppets.
funny humor years
In show business, it takes 10 years to create an overnight success. You've heard that, right? But what you don't hear is that that's the exact same amount of time it takes to create a bitter failure.
funny humor winning
The way I figure it, if you can't tell I'm high by looking at me, I win.
funny dream humor
It's not all about love. That's half of it... The other half is about that moment you have with yourself when you're looking in the mirror, and you just go, 'Oh man. I'm going to compromise my dreams, get fat, sick, old and die someday. I kind of want to have someone around for that.'
funny humor thinking
I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the world.
funny christian mistake
He does have that weird mixture of born again Christian and stupid that some people mistake for courage and focus.
funny humor mean
How complicated can ice cream flavors be? How much can you put in there? I mean, when the flavor's something like banana ice cream with caramel, fudge chunks, cheddar goldfish and pennies - you've got to draw a line there.
funny humor commitment
I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.
funny running jesus
A lot of people think that Jesus is coming back. That's fine, it's your right. But you know, I live in New York, and I think he's running a little late. I'm asking myself, 'Alright, what happens if Jesus comes back tomorrow? What - does he make rounds to churches?' 'OK, everyone who's been good, buses leave in 10 minutes. I'll meet you in front of the post office. I gotta go. Oh, don't tell the Jews I'm back.'
funny jesus humor
I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his career.
funny real humor
You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries. And a second later, you're like, 'Damn, I could have had a car.'
funny jesus party
I've had this look for about a year. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and I like to then walk around the mall and go, 'No! No! This wasn't what it was supposed to be about, people!' Then if there's a Santa at the mall, I walk up to him and say, 'Listen, fat man, you're just a clown at my birthday party.'
funny humor next
For my next trick I will make everyone understand me.
funny humor thinking
Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'