Quotes about funny
funny humor night
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out". Rodney Dangerfield
funny dad father
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
funny dog pyramids
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
funny reading humor
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
funny hate humorous
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
funny beauty crazy
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
funny family uncles
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
funny girl humor
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
funny morning sex
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
funny girl humor
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
funny pregnancy humor
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
funny-things gold
The funny thing about gold is how quickly it can tarnish. Robyn
funny sarcastic class
She has been kissed as often as a police-court Bible, and by much the same class of people. Robertson Davies
funny wise dog
Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.
funny dog silly
The dog is a yes-animal. Very popular with people who can't afford a yes man.
funny friendship humor
Friendship will not stand the strain of very much good advice for very long. Robert Staughton Lynd
funny-birthday years long
Live as long as you may, the first twenty years are the longest half of your life. Robert Southey
funny money suffering
More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
funny children kids
Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
funny-life people obsolescence
Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
funny-basketball originality
It is necessary to any originality to have the courage to be an amateur. Wallace Stevens
funny envy moral
Moral indignation in most cases is, 2% moral, 48% indignation, and 50% envy. Vittorio De Sica
funny humor president
Well, I have one consolation. No candidate was ever elected ex-president by such a large majority! William Howard Taft
funny girl mother
Roosevelt could always keep ahead with his work, but I cannot do it, and I know it is a grievous fault, but it is too late to remedy it. The country must take me as it found me. Wasn't it your mother who had a servant girl who said it was no use for her to try to hurry, that she was a "Sunday chil" and no "Sunday chil" could hurry? I don't think I am a Sunday child, but I ought to have been; then I would have had an excuse for always being late.
funny cute sarcastic
Just because the kid's cute, doesn't mean you're not the father. Will Smith
funny sarcastic sorry
Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
funny sarcastic driving
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't driving around on a bus and having a campfire kind of adding to the environment problem?
funny husband fall
The only man you will ever get is some fool named Grady who falls asleep in his soup.
funny inspiration humor
Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.
funny humor needs
You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut. Warren Buffett
funny motivation business
Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked.
funny life money
The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it.
funny-inspirational business war
Our favorite holding period is forever.