Famous Quotes & Sayings

Gertrude Stein

It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.

Gertrude Stein

Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop

Ellen DeGeneres

I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.

Ellen DeGeneres

What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out.

Ellen DeGeneres

Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.

Ellen DeGeneres

You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.

Ellen DeGeneres

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

Ellen DeGeneres

I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me.

Ellen DeGeneres

No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.

Ellen DeGeneres

You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.'

Ellen DeGeneres

I had no intention of becoming a comedian. I just wanted to make people happy. I tried everything-I shucked oysters, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners. But there was always a voice saying, You should be doing something different. And it was usually my boss and I was being fired.

Ellen DeGeneres

Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?"

Ellen DeGeneres

I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now.

Ellen DeGeneres

I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity.

Ellen DeGeneres

I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.'

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

For an actress to be a success, she must have the face of Venus, the brains of a Minerva, the grace of Terpsichore, the memory of a Macaulay, the figure of Juno, and the hide of a rhinoceros.

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

The whimsicalness of our own humor is a thousand times more fickle and unaccountable than what we blame so much in fortune.

Horace Walpole

Nine-tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth.

Homer

Good things don't end in -eum; they end in -mania or -teria.

Homer

If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing.

Jake Epstein

If I'm ever at a mall or some kind of place where there's a lot of younger girls, some people will recognize me from 'Degrassi.' But then it won't happen for a long time. It's funny - it happens more here in the States than it does in Canada.

I can't tell if that's funny or really scary.

Damon Hill

I don't see myself as an international megastar. I still put the rubbish out late at night-sometimes in only my underpants. Mind you, nowadays I have a good look around to make sure there is no one there. I just think this whole star thing is a gas and I think the neighbors think it's pretty funny as well. We've got some great neighbors.

Shelley Berman

How do you tell how a man has been funny? How do you do the sound of his voice? The turn of his face? But I will tell you he was as funny as any man I've ever seen.

Mark Twain

I could have made a neat retort but didn't, for I was flurried and didn't think of it till I was downstairs

Comedy is the slave of time. What seemed funny then is unlikely to seem funny now, just as what strikes us as funny now would not have seemed funny then.

Carrie: I just love Sleeping Beauty! The music, the sets, the costumes. It's so romantic!Stanford: You only like it because she sleeps for a hundred years and doesn't age.

Casey Wilson

If Damon Wayans is not breaking, it's a miracle. He is so funny that he makes everyone die laughing.

Hunter S. Thompson

As you were, I was. As I am, you will be.

Hunter S. Thompson

Ignore that nightmare in the bathroom. Just another ugly refugee from the Love Generation, some doom-struck gimp who couldn't handle the pressure. My attorney has never been able to accept the notion - often espoused by reformed drug abusers and especially popular among those on probation - that you can get a lot higher without drugs than with them. And neither have I, for that matter.

Hunter S. Thompson

Luck is a very thin wire between survival and disaster, and not many people can keep their balance on it.

Hunter S. Thompson

I learned a long time ago that reality was much weirder than anyone's imagination.