Quotes about funny
funny god sarcastic
I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. Oscar Wilde
funny positive witty
Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing. Oscar Wilde
funny humor enemy
He hasn't an enemy in the world, and none of his friend like him. Oscar Wilde
funny sarcasm piano-music
Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best. Oscar Wilde
funny real breathing
The California cemeteries make dying sound so attractive it's a real effort to keep breathing. Jack Paar
funny nice california
Hollywood, we decided, was a nice place to die, but we wouldn't want to live there. Jack Paar
funny book son
Son of Lady Chatterley's Lover had obvious commercial advantages (as a title for this book), but it impugned the marital status of my parents, something that enough critics were already doing. Jack Paar
funny california care
It was plain to see the Hollywood undertakers take care of everything. If you die you don't have to lift a finger. Jack Paar
funny california fire
We were ensconced as guests of the exclusive Beverly Hilton Hotel, an edifice so swank that the fire ax in the hall outside our suite said: "In case of fire-break crystal." Jack Paar
funny hurt fall
Then there was the time in Hollywood when I sat down in a breakaway chair and it collapsed on me. I was nearly knocked out and might have been even more seriously hurt but my fall was broken by the smog. Jack Paar
funny two california
... Variety and the Hollywood Reporter, two publications read more faithfully in Hollywood than the Koran is in Mecca. Jack Paar
funny believe humor
Disneyland is such a big thing to Californians, I discovered that when you cross the border you have to raise your right hand and take an oath that you believe in Walt Disney. Jack Paar
funny humor oscars
The only non-believer I encountered was Oscar Levant who wouldn't visit Disneyland because he said he had his own hallucinations. Jack Paar
funny stupid garbage-disposal
People say I'm extravagant because I want to be surrounded by beauty. But tell me, who wants to be surrounded by garbage? Imelda Marcos
funny travel kings
August in Kansas City is hotter than two rats f**king in a sock. Ichiro Suzuki
funny marriage witty
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. Gloria Steinem
funny music humor
Wagner has lovely moments but awful quarters of an hour. Gioachino Rossini
funny-inspirational long-ago snacks
It was not so very long ago that people thought that semiconductors were part-time orchestra leaders and microchips were very small snack foods. Geraldine Ferraro
funny thinking dumb
If you think is was an accident, applaud. Geraldo Rivera
funny inspiration humor
Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it. Harry S Truman
funny humor government
When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship. Harry S Truman
funny jobs humor
Any man who has had the job I've had and didn't have a sense of humor wouldn't still be here. Harry S Truman
funny hilarious witty
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog. Harry S Truman
funny leadership witty
The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. Harry S Truman
funny business humor
The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights. J. Paul Getty
funny children money-isnt-everything
Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children. J. Paul Getty
funny-harry-potter troll speak
Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt. J. K. Rowling
funny-harry-potter blunt sensitivity
Once again, you show all the sensitivity of a blunt axe. J. K. Rowling
funny boys wizards
Don’t put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know! J. K. Rowling
funny-things drawing people
It's a funny thing that people are always ready to admit it if they've no talent for drawing or music, whereas everyone imagines that they themselves are capable of true love, which is a talent like any other, only far more rare. Nancy Mitford
funny book dumb
With the history of us, a book wouldn't necessarily be the best thing. Keisha Buchanan
funny mom good-things
Moms Mabley said you have to say good things about the dead. I say, 'He's dead. Good.' Kate Clinton
funny-things things-in-life illness
Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen. Julia Sweeney