Woody Allen
Woody Allen
Heywood "Woody" Allenis an American actor, comedian, filmmaker, playwright and musician, whose career spans more than six decades...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionDirector
Date of Birth1 December 1935
CityBronx, NY
CountryUnited States of America
divorce home should-have
I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.
reason rhyme seems
There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time.
running years twelve
I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons.
morning night laughing
In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and you may laugh at them and get a certain amount of enjoyment. But when you're asleep at night, and you wake up at 3 in the morning, and you're alone in your bed, you know who's really funny.
funny suicide humor
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
sex men thinking
Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers.
men would-be bills
If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?...
sex two religion
Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
comedy monopoly bigs
I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.
shapes teeth prophet
And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.
people boring there-is-no-god
The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God.
horse two alabama
You can't ride two horses with one behind.
hero comedian way
You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you've been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando.
stuff awful taste
This stuff tastes awful; I could have made a fortune selling it in my health-food store.