Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor light
I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."
home cutting light
In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out'
funny humor light
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
night light looks
I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still ...
funny humor light
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
funny humor light
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
phones ears mouths
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
funny humor thinking
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
harder run supposed system
We have run the hydro system harder than it was supposed to be run this year.
best defensive game
I think that was our best defensive game of the year.
ahead
I was just getting too ahead of myself. I was rushing.
bond effect factor line modelling per petrol remains rise suggest yields
Our modelling suggest bond yields should rise in line with the US by at least 1 per cent. The X factor remains any flow-on effect from petrol prices.
american-comedian bothers deep grow
Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't?
although leave whenever
I was cesarean born. You can't really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through a window.