Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
house shapes paint
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.
funny humor house
My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
funny humor house
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
justice house window
I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.
kids house scare
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
house sandwiches fifty
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
funny humor house
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
mirrors house tape
I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.
audience came clicked johnny since tonight watching
I've wanted to do it since I was 14 years old, from watching 'The Tonight Show,' watching Johnny (Carson) and the other comedians. Something clicked in me that I wanted to be one of those guys, someone who came out and made the audience laugh.
statue
The statue is permanently out of place in my house,
spot
I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
american-comedian
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
american-comedian
The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
american-comedian
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?