Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
children nice home
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
funny girlfriend humor
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
funny moving humor
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
photography needs cameras
I just got this new camera. It's very advanced - you don't even need it.
teacher school class
I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
funny real humor
I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
funny humor looks
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
funny life sarcastic
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
funny humor house
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
stars lying night
The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?
fun work distance
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
dog paranoid not-sure
I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
mirrors house tape
I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.
running believe belief
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"