Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
funny sarcastic sports
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
people support bacteria
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
funny dog silly
I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!
funny humor night
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?
doctors work-out shapes
My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'
wish firsts said
I wish the first word I ever said was the word quote, so right before I die I could say unquote.
funny hate fall
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
funny humor water
I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit .
dog cat eye
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
funny beach nature
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
funny humor visionaries
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
funny humor furniture
While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"
funny time humor
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
funny humor use
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?