Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
home heaven energy
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
funny humor doors
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'
funny friends humor
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
trying lines firsts
I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy person. It's absolutely in conflict with what I do. But once I deliver the first joke I'm okay. It's like I'm out there all by myself just delivering my lines to nobody in particular without ever trying to notice the audience in front of me.
funny witty laughter
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
ice sides skates
I like to skate on the other side of the ice.
funny humor play
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
funny food coffee
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
funny humor writing
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
funny food humorous
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
funny humorous ideas
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
funny humor night
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
money gun giving
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."
want wonder selling
I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-up.