Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor products
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
funny humor people
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
sacrifice ice-cream years
Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
funny time humor
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
funny humor laughing
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
funny witty book
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
stars believe men
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
friendship wall doors
My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.
snakes vests arms
Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
dog fun insane
I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.
funny time humor
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
funny humor batteries
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
swear
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
funny humor sometimes
Sometimes I... No, I don't.