Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
funny clever business
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
jobs book reading
I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy 'Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?' He said 'I don't know'. I said 'I don't want your job'.
hard-work successful way
In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you'd get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it's hard work, almost harder once you're successful because you've got to maintain it.
cat people design
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic herbals for ceramic cats.
funny writing humor
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
funny humor night
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
funny motivation lying
I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.
humorous school college
I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
country phones speech
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
ideas giving gems
Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.
funny country humor
Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was...
two evil picks
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
funny humor dark
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
funny hilarious humorous
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.