Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
funny christmas tired
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
funny humor light
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
funny christmas brother
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
funny humor bird
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
funny humor scientist
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
years different criminals
Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.
funny laughter humorous
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
birthday aunt years
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
funny humor fog
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
funny feelings kind
The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.
funny humor trying
I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.
kids thinking years
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
funny humor beer
Smoking cures weight problems, eventually.
funny monday humor
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.