Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
thinking comedy express-yourself
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
years people comedian
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
funny humor two
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
funny humor writing
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
reading speed bookmarks
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
funny life baby
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
funny time humor
You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
funny science theory-of-evolution
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
funny humor years
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
funny nice humor
What a nice night for an evening.
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
funny motivational-sports humor
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
funny friendship taken
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
kids eye black-and-white
I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.