Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
waiting
The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
home cutting light
In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out'
father stranger ten
When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
running real home
Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity. If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick
home air degrees
I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
kids house scare
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
running home batteries
What do batteries run on?
toys schedules train
Do you have any toy train schedules?
house sandwiches fifty
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
funny humor light
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
home pay energy
I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
years people information
The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here last year.
funny hate fall
I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
reading two glasses
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.