Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
money party italian
A fool and his money are soon partying.
fall brain mind
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
air guy triangles
There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
girlfriend writing white
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
funny wall real
Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it... it feels real."
justice house window
I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.
bread hardness softness
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
believe yeah dont-believe
Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
people tree shadow
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
funny-motivational math people
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
funny humor preparation
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
tired people saws
I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
feet car wheels
A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'
heart sassy legs
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.