Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor cheese
I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out.
funny humor winning
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
naked band
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
funny kids humor
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
phones long calendars
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it."
moving night thinking
I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
funny humor gone
I parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone.
baby beach vacation
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
waiting speed hours
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
distance long walking
Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
fun fall tree
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
funny humor height
I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.
funny suicide humor
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, "See, that's how it's done."
needs use mime
If you shoot a Mime, do you need to use a silencer?