Steven Wright
Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wrightis an American comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth6 December 1955
CountryUnited States of America
communication home car
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
funny humor firsts
I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."
funny humor body
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
funny humor matter
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
funny humor severity
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
inspirational funny silly
What's another word for Thesaurus?
science car looks
I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost.
thinking i-can
I can't stop thinking like this.
trust two glasses
[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!
funny humor people
Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
funny sarcastic humorous
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
funny couple mistake
Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes.
amnesia
I had amnesia once or twice.
hands watches thirds
Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?