Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Ada Driver, better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth17 July 1917
CityLima, OH
funny sides onions
I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
age how-you-feel aging
I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
inspirational funny witty
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
suicide husband kids
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
humility humble mirrors
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
measurement records phonograph
They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
inspirational mother pain
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
inspirational husband careers
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
children humorous kids
We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
mother baby leaving
I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
smart hate clerks
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
mom witty funny-inspirational
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
pregnancy common birth
By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
retirement real golf
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.