Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Ada Driver, better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth17 July 1917
CityLima, OH
night lasts terrible
A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
husband giving want
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
get-well sloth lazy
Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
inspirational half hours
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
fire mud californians
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
funny dog nails
Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, "Attack!" And he has one. All he does is piddle. He's nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
war fighting parent
I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
beautiful sloth together
When he proposed he said, "We'll make such beautiful music together," but in this duet, his part seems to be all rests.
ships tattooed wanted
I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
boyfriend sex miles
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
years eight smoking
My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
doctors support physicians
My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
would-be alarms dresses
If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
mean men clothes
Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.