Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Ada Driver, better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American stand-up comedian, actress, singer, dancer, and voice artist, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh...
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth17 July 1917
CityLima, OH
song lines singers
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
over-you tripping necks
[When to have a facelift:] If you're tripping over your neck.
fitness exercise ideas
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
parent married enough
Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
police remember policemen
Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
yards buried housework
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
doctors body reincarnation
The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
people nudity old-people
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
children growing-up silly
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
sleep lines today
Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
funny family mom
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
home kissing years
When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
night lasts terrible
A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
husband giving want
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.