Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld
Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld is an American comedian, actor, director, writer, and producer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 April 1954
CityBrooklyn, NY
CountryUnited States of America
sarcastic stranger bad-movies
I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
funny book reading
The big advantage of a book is that it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning.
shallow more-to-life obvious
There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
funny ice massage
Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
islands light what-matters
We’re all trying to get to the same island, whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in, it doesn’t matter. What matters is when the red light [camera] comes on.
magic gone idiot
All magic is 'Here’s a quarter, now it’s gone. You’re a jerk. Now it’s back. You’re an idiot. Show’s over.'
dirty problem t-shirt
If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
halloween kids giving
So the first time you hear the concept of Halloween when you're a kid your brain can't even process the information. You're like: "What is this? What did you say?" "What did you say about giving out candy? Who's giving out candy?" "Everyone that we know is just giving out candy!"
life goal completing
There is nothing more rewarding than completing a goal you have set for yourself.
funny running news
I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV.
sex hell admire
I admire the hell out of her. You can't have sex with someone you admire.
sexy naked show-me
I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.
funny people chinese
I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.
sorry thinking dating
What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About 13 seconds, I think. Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big. That's ok, your breath stinks anyway. See you later.