Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld
Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld is an American comedian, actor, director, writer, and producer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 April 1954
CityBrooklyn, NY
CountryUnited States of America
morning brother cities
You know I have been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately, my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the city.
littles dignity dies
Can't you at least die with a little dignity?
kids boys missing
Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid.
order knives facts
There is no more embarrassing thing in my life that the fact that I have actually uttered the phrase, I would like to order the Ginsu Knife.
sick people world
There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.
daughter wife house
My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.
mean sick laughing
Anyone who would laugh at a recital is probably some sort of lunatic anyway. I mean, only a sick, twisted mind could be that rude and ignorant.
fruit return gamble
I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.
nominations golden oscars
Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.
clever reading thinking
I was in front of an ambulance the other day, and I noticed that the word ambulance was spelled in reverse print on the hood of the ambulance. And I thought, Well, isn't that clever. I look in the rear-view mirror; I can read the word ambulance behind me. Of course while you're reading, you don't see where you're going, you crash. You need an ambulance. I think they're trying to drum up some business on the way back from lunch.
love-is space magazines
Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on 'How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
kids feet people
You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a better way not to have people notice you than taking a thirty foot Cadillac with a TV antenna and a uniformed driver. How discreet. Nobody cares who's in the limo. You see a limo go by, you know it's either some rich jerk or fifty prom kids with $1.75 each.
mean caring giving
I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.
important reservations knows
See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.