Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld
Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld is an American comedian, actor, director, writer, and producer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 April 1954
CityBrooklyn, NY
CountryUnited States of America
I like definitive things.
country memorial-day patriotic
Ask not what I can do for you. Ask what you can do for me
kids exercise blessing
The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life.
people soup alphabet
I wonder is illiterate people know the full meaning of alphabet soup?
wells essays knows
I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it.
being-yourself comedy objects
The whole object of comedy is to be yourself and the closer you get to that, the funnier you will be.
costumes sides boxes
On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'
want fame possibility
Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities.
thinking leaving chocolate
What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.
blessing life-is torture
Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.
mcdonalds goal burgers
Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?
sorry thinking order
Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."
sex laughing existence
A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
school thinking touching
With any kind of physical test, I don't know what it is, I always seem to get competitive. Remember when you were in school and they'd do those hearing tests? And you'd really be listening hard, you know? I wanted to do unbelievable on the hearing test. I wanted them to come over to me after and go, 'We think you may have something close to super-hearing. What you heard was a cotton ball touching a piece of felt. We're sending the results to Washington, we'd like you to meet the President.'