Jerry Seinfeld
Jerry Seinfeld
Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld is an American comedian, actor, director, writer, and producer...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 April 1954
CityBrooklyn, NY
CountryUnited States of America
being-yourself comedy objects
The whole object of comedy is to be yourself and the closer you get to that, the funnier you will be.
costumes sides boxes
On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!'
want fame possibility
Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities.
thinking leaving chocolate
What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.
blessing life-is torture
Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.
mcdonalds goal burgers
Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?
sorry thinking order
Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."
sex laughing existence
A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.
school thinking touching
With any kind of physical test, I don't know what it is, I always seem to get competitive. Remember when you were in school and they'd do those hearing tests? And you'd really be listening hard, you know? I wanted to do unbelievable on the hearing test. I wanted them to come over to me after and go, 'We think you may have something close to super-hearing. What you heard was a cotton ball touching a piece of felt. We're sending the results to Washington, we'd like you to meet the President.'
tabloids lied folks
Folks who go through the tabloids ought to have to be lied to.
heart car maintenance
Let's face it, the human body is like a condominium apartment. The thing that keeps you really enjoying it is the maintenance. There's a tremendous amount of daily, weekly, monthly and yearly work that has to be done. From showering to open heart surgery, we're always doing something to ourselves. If your body was a used car, you wouldn't buy it.
funny dog believe
Let's examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He can't believe that you've accomplished this again. You walk in the door. The joy of it almost kills him. "He's back again! It's that guy! It's that guy!"
challenges alive crazy-ideas
You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.
hate waiting-rooms chance
I hate the waiting room. Because it's called the waiting room, there's no chance of not waiting. It's built, designed, and intended for waiting. Why would they take you right away when they've got this room all set up?