Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
sorry moving voice
I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
thinking invention all-time
I think one of the most groundbreaking inventions of all time is the jackhammer.
long timing cliche
Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
men saws old-man
One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
years guy ever-after
After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily ever after' lived reasonably well for a while.
years trying world
When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
queens kings men
Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
average scream ends
If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
sports people usual
A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
scary looks humans
A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
glasses balls way
You can make a very heavy and kind of dangerous 3-way shot glass out of a bowling ball.
play toes buttons
When I stub my toe it's like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know.
men parades traffic
Parades are man's attempt to make traffic exciting.
hands puppets gloves
A glove is a very literal looking hand puppet.