Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
people littles
I like people, for a little while.
eye looks idiot
A straw enables you to drink without using your wrist. A straw is your friend - until you lose eye contact with the straw. Then it will betray you and make you look like an idiot.
water balloons looks
When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
funny comedian actors
The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously.
mystery enigma
I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.
men class differences
Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
want dry choke
If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
funny sorry humor
I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
funny mexican looks
Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say, "I'm not racist, but you look great today." They say, "That wasn't racist at all." I said, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."
funny song humor
I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.
funny im-sorry witty
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'
looks rooms old-fashioned
History, like wallpaper, repeats itself and can also make a room look old-fashioned.
kids giving people
When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
funny im-sorry humor
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.