Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
people black sticks
Most stick people are black.
rain hippie way
I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
dalmatians looks shapes
When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.
rain dry wednesday
A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
cutting thinking dumb
I think the best thing about being dumb is that it makes magic a lot better. Where the hell did that rat come from? I dunno, but I'm calling the cops because he just cut that lady in half.
thinking insane desire
I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
hands rude wonder
I wonder if it's rude for a deaf person to talk with food in their hands.
funny birthday christmas
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
romantic fun choices
Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival.
funny im-sorry moving
My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'
funny humor balloons
Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.
funny im-sorry witty
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
funny im-sorry humor
Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral.
thinking feedback improvisation
The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.