Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
drinking house sleepovers
There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house.
crazy nails looks
Use crazy glue and nails to turn a rocking chair into just a chair that looks like a rocking chair.
blood trying frozen
To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
doors people want
I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
behavior
Drunken behavior will not be tolerated, except by those who are being hilarious.
nipples milk rice
What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
jesus people example
I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
night amputees twister
The other night I was playing twister with some amputees.
lonely stupid looks
I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
giving dry lines
There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
fire giving arms
If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
thinking long news
I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
beer alcohol bed
If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
success america waterfalls
In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person's yard.