Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
men enemy target
It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
jealous laughing bird
Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.
multiple-choice choices tests
When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
rooms planning globes
Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
sports real games
To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
men guy badminton
One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
thinking ties language
I think the most annoying language is a tie between all the ones I don't know how to speak.
dog distance fighting
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the dog's owner - and the distance you are from your car.
vampire gears cleaning
It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.
horse college men
There is also a beast, a beast of strange dimensions. He has the head of a horse and the body of a man who needs a lot of attention. He represents me in college: I was a dork-ataur.
way spinning doe
When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
sexy scotch tape
If you want to feel less sexy put scotch tape on your nipples.
waiting important helpful
It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
squirrels looks uptight
To make a squirrel look less uptight, put tiny sunglasses on it.