Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
funny humor gay
I'm in a weird position, because I like rainbows, but I'm not gay. So whenever I go out wearing a rainbow shirt, I have to put "Not gay." But I'm not against gays, so under that I'll have to put "... but supportive." It's weird how one group of people took refracted light. That's very greedy, gays.
taken land earth
A large portion of the Earth's land area is taken up by old varsity jackets.
glasses people house
There's a saying that goes, 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.' OK. How about, 'Nobody should throw stones'? That's crappy behavior. My policy is, 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.
bmw interesting car
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
halloween years giving
Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
world wonder deals
I wonder how they deal with mice at Disney World.
keys interesting trying
If you have a lip ring try hanging some tiny keys from it. This will make you look even more interesting.
cowboy sound reason
For some reason cowboy sounds better than cowman.
please whole
I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
congratulations giving grapes
I never give anyone just one congratulation. Congratulations are always plural. They are similar to grapes.
vampire breaths
Vampires probably don't have great breath.
house tree sometimes
If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
jesus mosquitoes communion
Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
knives perfect frustrated
The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.