Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin
Demetri Evan Martinis an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show, and his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth25 May 1973
CityNew York City, NY
CountryUnited States of America
dog two sweaters
I saw a dog wearing a sweater and I thought that looked ridiculous 'cause dogs don't have arms. If you're going to put clothes on the dog, you should put two pairs of pants on it.
Everything I ever learned I was told by someone else.
snacks perfect dry
Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
america castles tanks
99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
realizing get-real disillusioned
You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
simple thinking glasses
I was thinking how strange it is that water is one of the best, simplest things on this planet, and still with a simple glass of water you can neutralize so many of the greatest technological advances that we provide. Like with my blackberry, I can get in touch with so many people, but if I dip it in a small glass of water I'm completely disconnected.
party way shortcuts
One thing I learned is that it's never OK to walk through a cemetery dressed as a mummy - even if that was a shortcut on the way to the costume party.
have-a-great-day enemy doe
Have a great day. Note: does not apply to my enemies.
popcorn results explosions
Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
ideas training firsts
When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
interesting would-be bowling
Bowling would be more interesting if it were slightly uphill.
circles fire truck
Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
reality faces your-face
Reality is a concept that depends largely upon where you point your face.
stupid zippers two
There are two kinds of jackets - reversible, and reversible but it's hard to zipper up and it looks really stupid.